How to Have a Healthy Argument

Arguments are a part of life. If we have relationships with people in any form, we’re going to have differing opinions. Being able to form our own opinions and thoughts is what makes us awesome!

What if we all shared the same beliefs, came to the same conclusions and dreamt the same dreams?

Boooorrring!

Our ideas make us individuals and our notions make us unique!

So how do we teach our kids to express their opinions in a healthy way? It’s time to learn to play well with others. ?

It Takes Two to Tango

Have you ever gotten into a serious argument with someone in front of your kids? Or maybe you’ve even had a doozie of a disagreement with one of your children?

Every argument has to have at least two contributors…and being sure to take responsibility for your side of the exchange is what your kids will remember.

Ok…Take a moment to remember your last argument.

What was it about?
How did you contribute?
Did you lose your temper?
Did you speak negative words?
Were you kind?
When you think about your responses, did they set a positive example for your children?
Were they based in the growth mindset way of expressing yourself?
Was there room for growth?

Soooo many questions! But knowing the answer to these questions will give you clues as to how you’re teaching your children to have arguments.

Paying attention to your actions while arguing is important when trying to teach your offspring the traits necessary to argue in a healthy way.

The proof is in the pudding!

You’re the adult, so remember to keep a close reign on what your actions are modelling to your kiddos.

Maybe you were a total grumpy pants and said some things that weren’t very nice.Maybe you were aggressive with your words and hurt someone’s feelings.Maybe you blamed another person or called them names...

Either way, identifying the way you felt, taking responsibility for your part and making a change is showing your kids there's always room for improvement in how we handle ourselves. Showing understanding for the differing opinions of others demonstrates maturity and acceptance of another person’s individual expression.

Not everyone is going to agree with everything you say all of the time…and that’s ok! In fact, knowing how to argue in a healthy way is a total superhero trait!

'Be calm in arguing; for fierceness makes error a fault, and truth discourtesy'. - George Herbert

The Blame Game

Have you ever heard your child say something like, “It’s not my fault!” or “She MADE me do it!!”?? I’m going to guess the answer is yes.

If you have, that’s a signal that it’s time for you to whip out those awesome parenting skills! You have a sweet opportunity to teach your children how to take responsibility! Yeah!

As humans, we really don’t like to be wrong. Sometimes it’s hard to fail or face the consequences when we don’t mind our manners. But the sooner we learn that taking responsibility rocks, the sooner we can allow this fantastic trait to serve us in our lives.

Allowing blame shifting is robbing our children of one of the most important life lessons they’ll ever learn…and that is cause and effect. Being a master of their own responses and owning up to their own mistakes will totally empower them in the relationships they’ll encounter on life’s journey.

A great way to foster this type of thinking, is to have your children identify how they contributed to problem. Ask them to state specifically what they did that can be improved and then figure out how they can do it differently in future to achieve a better outcome the next time they face an inevitable argument.

'Children are gifts. They are not ours for the breaking. They are ours for the making.'― Dan Pearce

Break It Down!

Time for a recap! How do we meld our little monsters into kick-ass kiddos who really know how to rock an argument?

Correct communication is key.
Allow your children to express their emotions and thoughts, while staying kind.
Teach your kids to curb the blame game and don’t allow excuses…always have them accept responsibility for their personal actions (and reactions)!
Be resourceful in planning ahead to help your children know exactly how they can do better next time.
And as usual…lead by example. Monkey see - monkey do! ?